My Lonely Family
by wolfbane17
Summary: J.D. doesn't think that he's cut out to be a father but when Kim does the unexpected, can he live up to his responsibilities? JDA. R&R! Turla, JD/DC friendship.NEW CHAPTER UP! Angst starts now!
1. My Family

Hello to all readers! This is my first Scrubs fic (but not the last in my writing plans) so please go easy. I'm a relatively new fan to this awesome TV show, but I've watched almost all the episodes by now (so I didn't sleep for a while, big deal!) and I've finally gotten around to posting this. Enjoy!

Disclaimer- Of course I own Scrubs! The world just doesn't know it yet!

Reviews are like cookies. I love my milk with cookies. 'nuff said.

Slighly AU- JD never broke up with Kim during "My Hard Labor" and consequently they are together and "both" "happy" in the story and Dr. Kelso is still Dean of Medicine. Other than that, the story concurs with all you see on TV.

Stuff in Italics is JD's thoughts. Stuff in bolded Italics will be his imagination nation!

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"Listen up Newbie! I don't care that we are ' bumper buddies'. I really don't. In fact, I will never, I repeat, ne-he-ver care."

"But Dr. Cox, I was jus-"

"I don't caaareeeee!" Dr. Cox finished in an annoyed singsong voice as he shoved me and continued on his rampage.

I just shrugged and went to get my charts.

"Wow, Bambi! Aren't you chipper today!" Carla greeted me, handing me an impossibly large pile of charts.

"Why, yes I am, Carla, yes I am!" I responded in my best deep voice, Shean Connery impersonation. Carla just shook her head, but kept smiling.

Yup, girls just love the voice of that old bast-

"Hey, Mr. Nickols!" I said to the glaring senior as he rolled by on his wheelchair. The white bearded man just continued to glare at me though.

_Okay, so maybe senior citizens have now developed mind reading powers from their loads of wisdom…hmm, I'll have to be more careful around old 007 fans._

Once again, I just shrugged and went to my lovely patients.

* * *

_Nothing can destroy my good mood today. Absolutely nothing!_

"The rain clouds are gonna clear up, put on a happy face!" I sang as I strolled to the hospital cafeteria after what seemed like only a few minutes after checking up on all of my patients.

"Oh for the love of man! When are you gonna grow a pair and stop singing like the world is made of chocolate and candy and rainbows and other cute and furry things that make me want to choke you!" Dr. Cox yelled as soon as he heard me.

"Nope! Not listening to you today Dr. Cox! I'm in my own little bubble of joy!" I told him, before he could go on with his rant. Dr. Cox glared nukes at me, but I still refused to let him bring me down.

_Everything is finally working out. The house is finished, Kim's the picture of motherhood, my friends are awesome and happy, Dr. Cox gave me a half sincere shoulder pat yesterday, I got myself a car, today's dessert is chocolate pudding, the little back felt box is safe and snug in my scrubs pocket, and my son's first birthday is in 4 months. I'm finally gonna have a family! And if Dr. Cox weren't glaring more radioactive missiles at me right now, I would squeal like a little girl from all this happiness. Nothing can destroy my good mood today. Absolutely nothing! _

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Poor J.D. He thinks his happiness is gonna last. Too bad this story is labeled as angst/drama. I plan to continue this and make a sequel when this story ends. I've got it all planned out so please review and don't let all my hard work go to waste!


	2. My Phone Call

Here's chapter 2! Thanks to reviewers and story alert button clickers! This Chapter is kinda short but it will get longer.

Disclaimer- Since the last chapter I amassed a fortune and bought Scrubs...If only :P

Slighly AU- JD never broke up with Kim during "My Hard Labor" and consequently they are together and "both" "happy" in the story and Dr. Kelso is still Dean of Medicine. Other than that, the story concurs with all you see on TV.

Stuff in Italics is JD's thoughts. Stuff in bolded Italics will be his imagination nation!

* * *

_"Love and Happiness leave as soon as they come" -Ricardo Meker _

* * *

"Banana hammock!" I said quickly as I snapped out of a daze. Three sets of eyes stared at me.

"Um, yeah…dude, I just asked if I could have your pudding." Turk mentioned, hand darting to take my sugar free chocolaty delight.

"Of course _mi amigo_."

_Why the heck did I get sugar free?_

"Really? Thanks vanilla bear. But what pudding are you gonna eat?"

"Don't worry about that buddy," I said, tapping my spoon on the table "Oh, Interns!"

A half a dozen different bodies surged forward, looking scared.

"Um, Dr. Dorian?"

"What is it Larry? Why has no one given me a pudding yet?"

A loud whistle drew my attention and the interns fled.

"Well Shirley. You see, I got to the interns first and they gave me all of their pudding."

I gulped. "_All_ of it?"

"Yup. And you know why I took it Bianca?"

"To…um…to eat…it?"

Dr. Cox laughed as he walked over to our table, 6 puddings swaddled in his arms.

"You actually think I would destroy my awesome body with these sweets? I took 'em so that you couldn't have them." And with that he dumped them in a trashcan that was suspiciously near our table. As I was too busy gawking at the wasted deliciousness, Dr. Cox grabbed my tray of veggies and mashed potatoes and dumped it into the trashcan.

"That's so the message sticks. Good day."

Dr. Cox walked away with a giant smile on his face.

"Well Bambi, you can always get more pudding from the lunch line."

"They never have extra pudding!" I whined, throwing the spoon that I _was_ going to use to eat in a random direction.

"It never hurts to try v-bear!"

And just as I was standing up to go get another chocolate pudding Elliot comes along.

"Sorry I'm late guys! I had to fight this other chick for the last pudding and guess what? A random spoon just landed on my tray. How lucky is that?"

I just groaned.

_Stupid spoon…_

* * *

As soon as lunch ended I took out my cell phone and dialed home. I did this every day to make sure that Kim and Sammy were okay.

At first I got the answering machine.

Then Kim picked up.

"Hey Kim, how are you guys?"

"Oh, J.D…we're fine." Kim responded, an edge of panic and guilt in her voice. My smile faltered.

"Are you okay? Is there something wrong with Sam?"

"No, no. We're okay. I was just…"

The silence went on for a while. And when I was about to ask why she hadn't picked up in the first place, crying was heard through the receiver.

"Look J.D. I have to go."

"Kim, is Sam okay? Why didn't you pick u-"

"I have to leave."

With that Kim hung up and I was left standing there, all sorts of ideas running through my head.

Kim and Sam are fine. She hung up cause she had to go care for Sam. No biggie. She's just under stress. We'll be fine.

J.D. slipped the cell phone back into his pocket and went to see a new patient, trying to clear the cloud of doubt and foreboding hanging above his head.

* * *

A Moment In Scrubs: This new feature of my story is gonna have 2-3 lines directly from Scrubs that I thought were pretty funny, relevant to what is happening in the story, or just because. The comedy is to lighten up the angst, and even though it hasn't really started yet, science has proven that laughing is healthy (this is what you tell people who aren't very comedic or who believe you should be doing something more productive than watching funny TV).

So here goes:

**J.D.**: Oh, Dr. Cox, I know I'm being annoying. But I-I'm really getting used to talking to patients. I mean, this is why I became a doctor; right? Right?  
**Dr. Cox**: I heard "I know I'm being annoying," and then...white noise.

-_My Mentor, Season 1_

**Dr. Cox**: Did you actually just page me to find out how much tylenol to give to Mrs. Lensner?  
**J.D.**: I was worried it could exasterbate the patient's...  
**Dr. Cox**: Its regular strength tylenol. Here's what you do: Get her to open her mouth, take a handfull and throw it at her. Whatever sticks - that's the correct dosage.

-_My First Day, Season 1_

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Reviews are gold, silver, bronze and any other precious or semi-precious metals. So tell me what you think. I can take it. Really.


	3. My Homecoming

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So sorry for the looooooong lack of update. Hopefully the next chapter will be up within the next few days.

And for those who have been waiting for the angst, it starts from here on out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs.

Remember to Review!

* * *

As soon as my shift ended I was out the door and inside my new car. I didn't do a last checkup on my patients like I always do. I didn't stay and wait for Turk and Carla. I didn't try to give extra help to Elliot. I didn't even stop when Dr. Cox ambushed me in the hallway and tried to dump his remaining patients on me.

My phone call home had been weird and worrying enough to shake my supposedly permanent happy mood. The strange, buzzing feeling at the pit of my stomach didn't cease, not even when I finally got into my car and began the almost long drive home. I kept looking at the clock. Every red light and stop sign became my enemy. Even the sigh of relief as I pulled up into the driveway sounded chocked and forced.

Two things were wrong with this picture

One, Kim's car was gone.

Two, as I neared the door I heard crying, muffled a little by the solid wood door.

I quickly took out the keys and tried to open the door.

That was when I discovered the third thing that was wrong with this picture.

The door was perfectly open.

I pushed past the unlit hall, past the living room, past the kitchen, directly into the nursery.

Sam was sitting in his crib, wailing for a reason that I didn't know. At least not at the moment. I quickly scooped him up into my arms and bounced him a little. The crying lessened but continued.

"Where's mommy?" I asked him softly, willing him to understand my urgent panic.

Sam just cried harder again.

I forced myself to shut out his cries and left the nursery. I rushed into the master bedroom and stopped dead in my tracks. Drawers were half open, hangers were strewn across the floor around the closet and the bathroom door was ajar. I went in there next, observing the opened and disorganized cabinets with a growing sense of dread.

The air suddenly became intoxicating and I left, past the nursery and hall closet, into the kitchen. My foot connected with something and I turned n the lights just in time to see a large kitchen knife skid across the floor and disappear under the stove.

The kitchen was like the bedroom. Drawers were half open, some of their contents scattered inside or outside on the floor. Sam's bottles and Kim's and my breakfast dishes lay still in the sink, untouched and unwashed.

Everything was starting to make sense. A sense that I wanted nothing to do with. I suddenly wished that I had stayed at the hospital. I wished with all my heart that I had stayed to wait for Turk and Carla, helped Elliot, taken all of Dr. Cox's patients and checked my own a million times.

As absurd as it sounded, I wished that I had never come home.

All the clues and signs were there for me to see. And yet I still denied it.

_Kim's probably gone shopping. Yeah, that's it. She had a craving for something and she left to the store to get it. All the mess is probably her looking for her purse. She's forgetful. It can happen to anyone._

And then I remembered Sam.

_No. She wouldn't just leave our son like that. Maybe one of her friends had an accident and she had to go to the hospital right away. She probably called me to say that. I had my cell phone turned off. Yeah, that's what happened. I'm sure she'll call in few minutes. Yeah, that's what's going on. _

And as I went to get the phone, my foot connected with something again. Only this time there was a crunch as I stepped on it.

I bent to pick up the broken pen and I saw it. It was there, next to the grocery list and the cheap, plastic calendar from the realtor who'd sold me this land 2 years ago.

I took it down from the refrigerator, seeing the reason behind the disaster in my house in the hurtful, shocking words.

I read the note.

I read it again.

I read it until the words were etched into my mind. Angry lines that bled and crushed out the true joy I'd been feeling lately, in a matter of chaotic seconds.

* * *

Almost as is he could hear his father's heart fall and splinter, Samuel Perry Gilligan Dorian began to cry harder, and made J.D. understand.

His son had been answering his question all along.

_Where's mommy?_

Kim had left. She was gone. Left him behind with _their_ son. _His_ son now.

And right then and there, as soon as J.D. admitted the painful truth to himself, he wanted nothing more than to open his own mouth and join his son in the loud, shrill howls that flooded from the young throat, mourning the loss of a mother and lamenting the shattered heart of a father.

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What will J.D. do now? Stick around to find out :D


	4. Her Note

**So sorry for the long wait! I have this entire story planned out (in my head) but not written down. Plus exams and other things were eating up writing time. So here is the new chapter. **

**Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed and voted in the poll. Thanks to you guys it was a huge success and I now know exactly in which direction the story is headed. You can go check out the results in my profile page, but here is a summary in a nutshell:**

**The overwhelming majority voted that Kim should leave on her own. Many who PM-d me with this choice said they voted for this because it was a new idea as opposed to her getting killed/dying. A couple just don't like Kim at all and others said it would be more angsty for J.D. if she abandoned him (also, I sort of made sure of this because of what J.D. was going to do had she stayed, a clue for this action can be found in the first chapter). So, in response to a fair election, I have decided that Kim will leave on her own, as this chapter illustrates.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I own no Scrubs.**

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J.D. had no idea how long he'd stood there in the kitchen. It could have been seconds or minutes or hours as the numbness and shock wore off and he could once again hear his son crying, albeit softer, but still discomfortably close to his ear. J.D. put himself on autopilot, a dangerous yet useful trick he used to deal with painful situations, ever since he'd been a kid and up till now, when being the kind of doctor that he was just got to be too much.

Sam seemed to notice the change in his father. The hands changing his diaper were cold and systematic, the arms and chest supporting him as he drank from his bottle felt withdrawn and clumsy. And for all these things, Sam continued to cry.

I have no idea how long I've been sitting here with Sam, rocking him to try to get him to stop crying and go to sleep. The memory that catches me off guard plays inside my tired mind.

_"Hey Kim, do you think I should get this? I mean our house isn't going to be this gigantic mansion with lots of space but hey, it would be nice for Sam's nursery."_

_Kim ran her hand over the smooth, polished wood._

_"It wouldn't look half bad," she offered after a while._

J.D. smiled briefly at the memory. But then he couldn't help but wonder, had she been planning to leave all along? Had she, even at that point in time, secretly been scheduling her absence? The words of her note overwhelmed him then, crashing inside his head like powerful gale driven waves.

_J.D._

J.D. ran a delicate finger over his son's face, aware that Sam was still awake yet had now become quiet.

_I'm sorry it had to turn out like this. To end like this._

He shifted Sam a little and brought the small baby closer to himself.

_I don't love you. _

He brought the young face closer to his own until his cheek touched that of his son.

_I don't think I ever will._

Until Sam could feel his father's hot tears mix with the ones he'd spilled moments before.

_I wasn't really ready for this. _

J.D. stood up.

_I know you're not ready. I'm not sure you ever will be. _

J.D walked to Sam's crib and took a deep, shuddering breath.

_Do what's best for Sam. _

J.D. tried to stop. He tried to steady himself and tried to be strong for his son.

_Kim. _

J.D. couldn't. Another sob tore through his throat. He stood like that for a while, crying, letting it out. He tried to imagine that all his worries; his problems were being washed away with his tears. That once he finished this moment of self-pity, his energy would come back and he'd be able to plan everything out. That his life would go back to what it was before and that he would walk into work tomorrow with a smile on his face. But when the tears wouldn't stop J.D. was left with a feeling of emptiness, a void in his self. Fountains of energy didn't bubble and spill over out of nowhere. A weary exhaustion took him over and hung from his shoulders, clouding his mind and hope. Everything back then, even raising a child, seemed easier because there had been a "we". There had been two people to raise a baby, two people to pay the bills, two people to tackle any obstacle. Two people who could lean on and depend on each other, the way he'd seen in Turk and Carla and even in Jordan and Dr. Cox.

But "we" was gone. From now own, there would only ever be an "I".

An "_I_ fed Sam and changed his diaper."

An "_I _took Sam to school and helped him with his homework."

An "_I _paid all the bills."

Before, Kim was there to take care of Sam while J.D. went to work. Before, Kim had received maternity leave payments from the hospital she'd worked at, and helped to pay for the construction fees of the house. Before, both parents could balance things out.

_How am I going to do this all on my own? How can I raise a child and still go to work? How can I even be a good father?_

And then, just as J.D. was drowning and sinking fast, Sam's little hand wrapped around his father's fingers in a centuries old gesture of comfort and affection. J.D. felt this and brought the bundled baby close to himself, arms strengthened by love and fiercely protecting that which would become the young doctor's strongest objective for existence.

J.D. kissed his son's hand and made him a promise.

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** Remember to review!**


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